woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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