Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
