We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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