I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize