mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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