my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
