His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
