she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she looked like the before picture.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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