I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
