Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize