well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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