then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
