he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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