So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
