i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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