I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
50% drunk capacity currently
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
