Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
