Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
where are my eyebrows?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
