I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
