Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
