I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
