TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
