Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
