opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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