This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
