Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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