remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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