I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
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