did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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