He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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