cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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