when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
