Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i drank out of a bidet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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