apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize