seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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