oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
