I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
