my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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