I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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