1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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