People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
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my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?