Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.