I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
