Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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