she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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