I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
