I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
