I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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