The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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