Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
