This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
