yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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