just come out here and I will go home with you...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
