I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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