I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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