I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
